I Know You Better Than You Know You...

This is an email between myself and a co-worker. My emails are in black and their responses are in red. This started out as an email where it was claimed that I know everything there is to know about this other person because we are such good friends. We are friends, however, I really don't know much about this person at all. They know it. I know it. Why not have fun with it? I have also XXXXed out names to keep myself from getting yelled at.

Ohhh! I forgot how trivia works. What is my favorite stuffed animal named?

Trick question! There are actually 3 favorite stuffed animals. 2 Are pigs: Señor Snorters and Snark Attack and then the 3rd favorite stuffed animal is.... A giraffe named Necky Becky.

These are totally right because I know you so well!

Next question please...

Wrong! But creative answers. The correct answer, which is so easy, is Piggy.

Name 3 of my phobias.

I know they are right.

3 phobias....

1) Hugging

2) Hugging

3) XXX (Another coworker)

Ha ha! Dork! I'm so going to tell! How about heights, spiders and stemmed glassware.

What am I eating right now?

That would be 4, 5 and 6. You didn't ask for phobias 4 thru 6. If it isn't hugging and XXXX (Another coworker) then I will make sure to tell her to give you a big ole' bear hug next time we are all hanging out! We will all see the phobia on your face. And stemmed glassware isn't a phobia, it is just weird.

What scares you about stemmed glass ware?

You are eating a granola bar. How am I supposed to know? I know things about you personally, not what you eat for lunch. I know EVERYTHING about you, I am not a psychic.

You could've e-mailed XXXX (another coworker), gotten the answer and I would've thought you were psychic! Fail!

You know what was number 3 on the list of things that people really need to stop doing or saying? The answer is fail! You obviously didn't know that because you said it to me. Stop saying fail. No one says that anymore.

Also, emailing XXXX (Another coworker) is cheating, and I already cheated once today.

Next question!

I don't feel good now that I ate. Blah! I wanna go home now...

That is a statement, not a question.

What state did I first visit?

The state of sleep! Just kidding buddy. You were born in kansas city so that is in the rainy state of oregon and then you moved to wauk-town at the age of 4.

Hmm...close, but not quite. Kansas City is actually in two states, which of those two states was I born in?

The tiny state of Kansas! Which borders Oklahoma which is also the only state to have a play written about it. The Kansas football team is the Chiefs which is why you wear that t-shirt like 4 times a week. Your parents also attended college and first met in Kansas. Kansas is also notorious for having such bad tornados that the will take to strange lands where you will meet many interesting people.

Well, I was not born in Kansas and neither of my parents attended college in Kansas. The football team is however the Cheifs, my parents did meet in Kansas and Oz does exists.

Another question answered successfully! Did you know that if you double the C and double the S, you will have success! On to the next question...

What was the name of my first pet?

It was a cat named Ritalin. You decided to name him that because he was always running around like crazy and you would cry that he needed to be put on Ritalin to calm him down. His original name was Ted, though.

And we are moving on! I am like 12 for 12!

When I was five years old I had an accident, what was this accident?

You fell into the toilet! Which was also the event that brought on phobia #7: fear of toilets as well as phobia #23: fear of having a wet backside.

13 for 13.

Ha ha ha! I totally was making up a question, but you are correct. I did fall into a toilet when I was young. You ended up answering the question I thought had no answer with an answer! Okay, try this one:

If I had been born in Lebanon what would my name had been?

I would say that your name would be XXXXXXXXX (persons real name). I understand that Lebanon is like way, way, way southern illinois, like still racist southern illinois, but I don't believe that would change your name. Paris is also in southern illinois. Not quite as racist as lebanon, but hated all the same. 

You know what I meant. Grrr...

What color did I paint my nails last night? Ha! See...you saw me earlier today so I'm testing how observant you are.

Purple.

And your Lebanese name would be... Azzah.

15 for 15.

No, but they were purple until I painted them. 

Azzah, I like that actually. You can refer to me as Azzah now.

They were totally purple!

Azzah means clumsy one. I think that is very fitting.

No they are not! You can't help it...you are wrong! FAIL!

Knew I should've googled that! It does work though

I told you that NO ONE is allowed to say "fail" anymore!

It was the only one that sounded remotely negative. Everything else

contained the words "precious", "beautiful", "princess", or "gorgeous".

Didn't want to weird things up over here. Next question!

I am a princess though, what is my princess name?

Princess Tripsalot. It is Arabic, which is why it sounds weird. And since when are you a princess? Are you a princess like the princess that Slater met mini-golfing while working for the summer at Mailbu Sands? He knew it would never work out because she lives in Albania but he figured "what the eff? When else am I gonna get to teach a princess to mini-golf?". Only to find out that she was actually a crackhead from L.A. that had made her way to the beach to hustle young, unsuspecting body builders.

I didn’t see that episode