Nice Fur Coat, Oh Wait...

While on vacation we went swimming in one of two outdoor, heated swimming pools. While in the hot tub a overly hairy, somewhat older gentleman got out and decided to start drying himself off. Not really a problem or anything, except that I noticed halfway through the drying of his massive hair vest that the towel he was using was mine. After I threw up a little in my mouth I mentioned to my wife what was going on. She proceeded to confront the man about his faux-pas. He was very apologetic and offered to return the towel, which I thought was extremely nice of him. I think I am still pulling someone else's hair off of my clothing. Damn, that dude was hairy! Hairy, but nice.

V-A-C-A-TION!

So this past week the wife and I took a bit of an escape to the wonderful city of Boyne Mountain, Michigan. It was a fun filled week/weekend that involved winter sport like events. There were also some wacky hi-jinks that occurred whilst we were there, so I thought i would share some of them with everyone...

Along the trip I saw a few signs that caught my attention and I thought I would share them.
First off...

• "Let's get ice cream after you paralyze us".

This was a road sign promoting safe driving and wearing seat belts, still a tad harsh though.

• "Like a cult only with better Kool-Aid"

This was for a restaurant. I thought this was pretty funny. The humor is a little old, but I am still old enough to have heard of Jonestown and their like of grape Kool-aid. I wonder if Jonestown use of Kool-aid made its popularity decline for awhile?

• "Illegal activities will be prosecuted"

Not really an odd sign because you see these everywhere. I did find it odd that it was posted outside of a men's bathroom at a truck stop. I wonder what kind of "illegal" activities are going on in this truck stop bathroom? Wait, no, I don't.

• "Browntown 5 miles"

I just that calling a town "browntown" sounded a bit racist. What do I know though.

• "Homemade pasties"

This was outside of a restaurant that we stopped at. I have been informed that "pasties" are also a kind of pot pie. Whatever. There is also another meaning for "pasties" and that is the one I am going to use. I have also included a picture of that sign.

That's Quite A Mess You've Got On Your Hands, And On A Dry Run...

So today at work they gave us cinnamon rolls for Valentine's Day. I truly do heart me some cinnamon rolls, but this sweet nectar of the gods that was offered to us brought about some interesting comments. I feel that i can not keep these comments to myself. so here goes...

"Time for some goo"

Person 1: "Boy, my hands are gonna be really sticky when I am done"
Person 2: "It's okay, everyone is gonna be really sticky"

Person 1: "This is just too big!"
Person 2: "Just use your hands then"

"I am gonna be hurting after this"

"Lord that's drippy"

"My mouth is really gonna be sore when I am done"

Okay, I was the one who said that last one. I did. And it really does.

Nothing Says "I Love You" Like Covering Yourself In Shit And Piss...

This Is What Love Is All About...

So the ROIR website is offering Valentine's Day e-cards! I discovered that they have a Bad Brains e-card which led me to their website which then showed me 5 more cards including a G.G. Allin card. How awesome is that! I know when I think of Valentine's Day, I think of G.G. I mean how can you and your spouse not sit by the fire sipping wine whilst listening to such classics as I Wanna Fuck Your Brains Out or the love ballad I Wanna Piss On You. As wonderful as these are nothing says "I want to spend the rest of my life with you" as such classics as I Wanna Suck Your Cunt or even I'm Gonna Rape You. I think the entire "holiday" can best be summed up as Ass Sucking, Butt Fucking, Cunt Licking Masturbation. I wish that they would make one of those cheesy commercials for like sounds of the 70's or something, but it could be sounds of love with G.G. Allin. I would totally buy that and throw my shit around. In the words of G.G... Suck My Ass...It Smells.


A note from me: I guess I should add that the italicized stuff comes from G.G., not me. They are actual song titles.

I Loved This Movie When I Was A Kid, Always Hated Cher Though...

I Found This On The Internets And Thought I Would Share It...

When I was a lot younger I would watch this mask movie on a daily basis. I don't know what it was about it, but I loved it. I do know that my love affair with this movie had absolutely nothing to do with Cher being in it. Little did I know at the time, but Cher would play a part in my life later on. When I got a little older I became infatuated with music and would constantly watch MTV (there was a time when MTV played videos by bands that rocked so hard that they could impregnate someone just by the power of their rock, instead of just playing shows about idiots who are already preggers), of course at this time  I was patiently waiting for the new Poison or Mötley Crüe video. One day as I turned on the MTV, wearing my jean jacket vest that my Mom had so lovingly sewed my patches on to, and I am met by the sounds of a woman "singing" while dancing around on a navy ship while being roughly 1/5 of the way clothed. For the first time in my life, I questioned my sexuality. If this "woman" is supposed to "turn me on", something is deeply wrong. On a side note, if MTV played this video now, they would probably have less shows about teen pregnancies. So back to my story... this has to of been the worst thing I have ever seen in my life! It made me want o poke my eyes out! This may also be the moment that MTV "jumped the shark". So yeah, to recap... Cher made me question my sexuality as a youngster, and to this day I shudder every time I hear that stupid fuckin' song, and if I hear Poison or Mötley Crüe, I tense up in fear of what will be next!

Keep On L.A.R.P.ing In The Free World

Seriously, does this scream backwoods Wisconsin or what?

So last night I faked myself into main stream guy culture, and I was successful! The wife and I went to a sports bar and watched the UFC fight thingy. I could honestly care less about watching 2 dudes beat the piss out of each other. Either way, I enjoyed myself. The place was fuckin' huge! it was in an old movie theater and the put big screen tvs up where all the movie screens used to be. I walked in to them playing Enuff Z'Nuff. Seriously, what bar that isn't totally backwoods, is still rocking out hessian culture in this day and age? Either way, totally awesome and it had me geekin' out right away. Other highlights included Skid Row, Britny Fox (althought they didn't play the song girlschool, they still played Britny fuckin' Fox!) and a little Diamond Dave, DLR, David Lee Roth! Zippidy fuckin' doo! I guess another highlight was watching my wife get the drunkest I have ever seen her in our relationship. Neither of us are really drinkers, so it didn't really take all that long. She was getting pretty crazy and the night ended with her dancing her way through the parking lot and trying to climb her car. For all I know, the 80's metal inspired her and she was trying to go all Whitesnake video, and dance across her car. To recap: I went to a sports bar last night, DID NOT get punched, had a good time and watched my wife get completely shit faced. L.A.R.P. successful. Zippidy fuckin' Bop!

P.S. Mika Eliot Miko

Mika Miko's Singer and Telephone/Microphone

The Crutchfield Sisters

In response to comments made about January's crush (the beautiful ladies of Community), I have decided to post about P.S. Eliot/Bad Banana. This is not a crush post (even though there is a minor crush on the Crutchfield sisters) but more of a check these sweet, sweet ladies out post. The comment was made that the Community ladies were nothing compared to one of the singers of Mika Miko. I do love me some Mika Miko, but I also love me some P.S. Eliot. So yeah, check out P.S. Eliot's demo tape (it is pretty easy to find for download) and their album is not so bad either. I do feel it lacks some of the lo-fi charm that the demo has. You can also find a demo for the Crutchfield sisters newest project, Bad Banana, on the internets. I don't feel it is as good as the P.S. Eliot demo, but it brings back the lo-fi charm that it contained. Good shit. If you have yet to hear it, please check 'em out. They are supposedly working on a follow up to their first LP, Introverted Romance In Our Troubled Minds. I believe that Mika Miko is also working on a sophomore release to follow up the feel good, party time antics of C.Y.S.L.A.B.F. Check all of this shit out yo!