Annie "Adderall" Edison Vs. Britta Perry

Sorry Lesley Arfin, but it is time for my new crush. You have lost your crown...for now.

The battle for my new "crush" is one that has been on-going for awhile now. It contains the 2, yes 2, love interests of Jeff's from the NBC show Community, Annie "Adderall" Edison (Alison Brie) and Britta Perry (Gillian Jacobs).

If you have yet to catch this show, it is on Thursday nights on NBC. I am not sure of the time off hand but start watching at 7, they have a pretty solid thursday night line-up.

As I was saying... both of these women are or have been love interests of one of the main characters of the show, Jeff Winger (Joel Mchale). I have yet to determine which one of these two ladies deserves to be my celebrity crush. Britta's fuck-all attitude is very endearing to me. On the other hand, Annie's neurotic, yet cute behavior throws me for a loop. Yet you can see a little of the others traits in both of them. Yeah, i understand that these are people on a TV show and are probably not like this in real life. I don't care. I would rather have a crush on a TV show character than a full body pillow.

This is a topic of conversation that has come up with more than one of my male friends. So far we all have a hard time choosing just one. Can't we just like both of them? Anyone out there want to weigh in on this matter?

Who Is Richard Bruise?

So I hope that People don't get mad at me but... over the weekend I partook in a band practice. Well, we are still trying to decide on a name. It isn't a top priority right now because we are still in the writing new songs/practicing phase. I would like to point out that a friend of mine talked about how he was suffering from "dick bruises caused by dry humping". I suggested that we be called Richard Bruise & the Dry Humps. No one else agreed, they laughed, but did not agree.

SO I am here to offer you the first of many (probably not) contests brought to you by the wonderful people at "That's How I Escaped My Certain Fate"!

Help us come up with a band name!

I don't really have any prizes to offer or anything like that. Isn't knowing that you helped a young band get a start reward enough?

My Wife Is A Riot...

So last night the wife and I had to run some errands... I guess I should back it up a little bit and say that my wife had a tooth pulled and acquired dry socket from this. This has left her in a lot of pain, and on some pain killers. So she tells me she is going to get the mail while I get the car warmed up. We do live in a complex so the mail box is on one side of the parking lot, while I am parked on the other. So I am sitting wondering where she is because it is taking her a very long time to get the mail. So I start pulling around and she comes out from behind some cars waving me down. Apparently there was another car that had pulled up over by the mailboxes and she thought it was me so she went to it trying to open the door to get in. In the middle of pulling on the door handle she noticed that there was a woman in the passenger seat laughing at her. So now my wife is cracking up. As the people got out if the car I guess the man driving made a comment suggesting that he was not happy with my wife for trying to get in his car. Why get mad, you could tell that story for weeks and it would at least elicit a chuckle or two. I know I laughed for a good 20 minutes or so. My wife is a riot.

Don't Bite The Nuts That Feed You...

I think I am gonna cancel tonight. They are saying now that they can't get together until like 8:30. I am too old to stay up that late, especially considering I was out cold by like 9:30 last night.

I think you should go. Just tell them that they can't meet at our place and you can leave whenever you want then. You need to get out with some people.

I know, I know... I will see. The way I have been dragging this week though...

I forgot to tell you that XXXX is the name of the doctor. Just so you know when you call. you can sleep this weekend. This is awesome. for once I'm able to yell at you for being too tired and wanting to sleep.

I don’t think it awesome that I am feeling what I am feeling! Also, I could sleep this weekend AND sleep tonight instead of going out. Are you going to your moms?

I was just joking. I am usually the one that is wanting to sleep. It is up to you if you want to go out and meet them. I will most likely go to my mom's, yes.

Well you have fun at your moms. I will watch my shows and do a little extra working out tonight. My PB&J disappeared so I had to go and get a hot dog with XXXX. I did not over eat though and am actually a little hungry still.

So you are definitly not going now? Who ate your pb&j. I will kick their butts! Good for you for not stuffing yourself. It is hard not to.

As far as I know we are going tonight, but not until after 8:30. I don’t know what happened to my PB&J! I woke up this morning and it wasn’t in the fridge where you leave it! And I didn’t have enough time to make another one. It was hard to not get the 2 hot dog & fries special with a side of cheese fries and a tamale and maybe even a few onion rings. Oh, and a large malt to wash it down.

Wow! That is your usual order, isn't it? That's way too much food and super unhealthy. You are smart to cut back. I don't know where the PB&J was. Did we make one last night? I don't think we did. We watched TV., you took a shower, and we went to bed.

It is a fine line between unhealthy and filling. I chose to be healthy AND unfilled today. I don’t know, maybe we never made a PB&J last night. I guess that would explain why it wasn’t there this morning. They always appear over night though. I guess the PB&J fairy had a night off last night. Remind me to fire that fairy! Never send a fairy to do a man’s job.

Maybe the fairy thought that the elf could make his own sandwich. Apparently the fairy was wrong. :)

It would appear that way wouldn’t it. I am gonna tell my dog to pee on that fairy while it sleeps!

Then I will tell the dog to bite the elf in the nuts.

Yeah sure. That dog knows not to bite the nuts that feed her! She tain’t no dummy.

That is an awesome pun! I went to Yoga at work today. I was 2 minutes late and she yelled at me. After class I told her that it wasn't very Yoga of her and that she was inappropriate.

I Know You Better Than You Know You...

This is an email between myself and a co-worker. My emails are in black and their responses are in red. This started out as an email where it was claimed that I know everything there is to know about this other person because we are such good friends. We are friends, however, I really don't know much about this person at all. They know it. I know it. Why not have fun with it? I have also XXXXed out names to keep myself from getting yelled at.

Ohhh! I forgot how trivia works. What is my favorite stuffed animal named?

Trick question! There are actually 3 favorite stuffed animals. 2 Are pigs: Señor Snorters and Snark Attack and then the 3rd favorite stuffed animal is.... A giraffe named Necky Becky.

These are totally right because I know you so well!

Next question please...

Wrong! But creative answers. The correct answer, which is so easy, is Piggy.

Name 3 of my phobias.

I know they are right.

3 phobias....

1) Hugging

2) Hugging

3) XXX (Another coworker)

Ha ha! Dork! I'm so going to tell! How about heights, spiders and stemmed glassware.

What am I eating right now?

That would be 4, 5 and 6. You didn't ask for phobias 4 thru 6. If it isn't hugging and XXXX (Another coworker) then I will make sure to tell her to give you a big ole' bear hug next time we are all hanging out! We will all see the phobia on your face. And stemmed glassware isn't a phobia, it is just weird.

What scares you about stemmed glass ware?

You are eating a granola bar. How am I supposed to know? I know things about you personally, not what you eat for lunch. I know EVERYTHING about you, I am not a psychic.

You could've e-mailed XXXX (another coworker), gotten the answer and I would've thought you were psychic! Fail!

You know what was number 3 on the list of things that people really need to stop doing or saying? The answer is fail! You obviously didn't know that because you said it to me. Stop saying fail. No one says that anymore.

Also, emailing XXXX (Another coworker) is cheating, and I already cheated once today.

Next question!

I don't feel good now that I ate. Blah! I wanna go home now...

That is a statement, not a question.

What state did I first visit?

The state of sleep! Just kidding buddy. You were born in kansas city so that is in the rainy state of oregon and then you moved to wauk-town at the age of 4.

Hmm...close, but not quite. Kansas City is actually in two states, which of those two states was I born in?

The tiny state of Kansas! Which borders Oklahoma which is also the only state to have a play written about it. The Kansas football team is the Chiefs which is why you wear that t-shirt like 4 times a week. Your parents also attended college and first met in Kansas. Kansas is also notorious for having such bad tornados that the will take to strange lands where you will meet many interesting people.

Well, I was not born in Kansas and neither of my parents attended college in Kansas. The football team is however the Cheifs, my parents did meet in Kansas and Oz does exists.

Another question answered successfully! Did you know that if you double the C and double the S, you will have success! On to the next question...

What was the name of my first pet?

It was a cat named Ritalin. You decided to name him that because he was always running around like crazy and you would cry that he needed to be put on Ritalin to calm him down. His original name was Ted, though.

And we are moving on! I am like 12 for 12!

When I was five years old I had an accident, what was this accident?

You fell into the toilet! Which was also the event that brought on phobia #7: fear of toilets as well as phobia #23: fear of having a wet backside.

13 for 13.

Ha ha ha! I totally was making up a question, but you are correct. I did fall into a toilet when I was young. You ended up answering the question I thought had no answer with an answer! Okay, try this one:

If I had been born in Lebanon what would my name had been?

I would say that your name would be XXXXXXXXX (persons real name). I understand that Lebanon is like way, way, way southern illinois, like still racist southern illinois, but I don't believe that would change your name. Paris is also in southern illinois. Not quite as racist as lebanon, but hated all the same. 

You know what I meant. Grrr...

What color did I paint my nails last night? Ha! See...you saw me earlier today so I'm testing how observant you are.

Purple.

And your Lebanese name would be... Azzah.

15 for 15.

No, but they were purple until I painted them. 

Azzah, I like that actually. You can refer to me as Azzah now.

They were totally purple!

Azzah means clumsy one. I think that is very fitting.

No they are not! You can't help it...you are wrong! FAIL!

Knew I should've googled that! It does work though

I told you that NO ONE is allowed to say "fail" anymore!

It was the only one that sounded remotely negative. Everything else

contained the words "precious", "beautiful", "princess", or "gorgeous".

Didn't want to weird things up over here. Next question!

I am a princess though, what is my princess name?

Princess Tripsalot. It is Arabic, which is why it sounds weird. And since when are you a princess? Are you a princess like the princess that Slater met mini-golfing while working for the summer at Mailbu Sands? He knew it would never work out because she lives in Albania but he figured "what the eff? When else am I gonna get to teach a princess to mini-golf?". Only to find out that she was actually a crackhead from L.A. that had made her way to the beach to hustle young, unsuspecting body builders.

I didn’t see that episode

Oh My...

So this afternoon I grabbed my phone and for some reason the thing started freaking out on me. I would like to point out that I am in no way what I would call a tech savvy person. I just learned how to text message a month ago and I am in my very early 30's. So anywho back to my tale... so my phone starts freaking out on me and all of a sudden my wallpaper is set as a pair of cupped breasts. Well hello! I found myself a little excited (not sexually) as I wondered where these came from. Are they my wifes? No, I don't remember doing that. Could she of possibly taken the picture and it on there as a surprise for me? No, that doesn't sound like something she would do. Did someone else take my phone and do this? No, I don't know anyone who would dare do something like that to me. As all of these thought flash through my head,  my excitement quickly turns to fear, which turns to disgust as I start remembering this past weekend. What I am staring at is indeed a picture that my wife took. Unfortunately it is a picture that my wife took of me cupping my moobs. It was my friends birthday this past weekend and as a joke I decided to sext him a picture of my moobs. He laughed. I didn't when I revisited the picture. Oh well. They were quite full if I do say so and I think I will hold on to that picture for the next birthday that comes up.

Poof! There It Is!

This is a little story about her inability to hear song lyrics correctly. From what I have been told, this is a common happening.

Some examples are as follows...

Spanish Bombs by The Clash. Continually thought to be Spanish "Bums".  I have explained numerous times that it is Spanish "Bombs" but this does not matter.

Stroke Me by Billy Squier. Which is sung around the house all the time as "Strong Man, Strong Man".

Poof, There It Is by Tag Team (I think that is who wrote it). I really didn't know how to respond to this one considering how obvious it is that they are not saying "poof". Of course it does make me think of magicians which then makes me think of Arrested Development (the show, not the band). Maybe Gob should have used that instead of The Final Countdown for his theme song. oh, who am I kidding, The Final Countdown is one of the best/worst songs ever written.

I am sure that there are quite a few more that I am forgetting, as well as many more to come in the future! To pick on myself a little here, when I was but a mere lad, I thought that the Phil Collins song Easy Lover claimed that the women was an "Easy Lama". I would still debate that it is possibly "Easy Lava".

Supergirl Has A Nice Rack

So i guess I am condensing some other blogs that I have that no one reads to this one. Why have 5 unread blogs when I can just put it all on one. So here is a funny little post about my wife. I will add a few more here as well...

So yesterday my wife accompanied me to the comic book store. I am not huge into comic books, but everyone once in awhile I like to stop by and look. I tend to do things like this by myself as I know that my wife really could care less. Seeing as we were already running errands I asked her if we could swing by and take a look, surprisingly, she was totally on board. So off we go to the comic store....

So I am wandering around looking at things and there are only 4 people in the store; me, my wife, the owner and some random dude. So my wife goes her own way and I go mine. So I come walking up to her and I hear mumbling. I round a corner to see her standing there with a horrified look on her face. So I ask her "who were you talking to?". she starts laughing because she thought that the random dude standing a few feet away from her was me. He then proceeds to tell her that Supergirl doesn't and he laughs and walks away. So now I am curious, Supergirl doesn't what? Apparently my better half had told the random dude that she thought was me, that she didn't understand why all of the girls in comic books had such big boobs.

Another One Down...

So I finished reading Why Be Something That You're Not: The History Of Detroit Hardcore and I have to say... I was not all that impressed. It seemed to me that I had already read everything in the book on the internet or in other books. It is about a 300 page book, but at least half of that is pictures and lists of what bands played when and where. It was nice that they dedicated an entire chapter to The Fix, unfortunately said chapter was 3 pages long. The most the talked about was the few clubs that Detroit had for live music. Overall, there were some interesting stories and what not, but I wouldn't consider this an essential read or anything.

Words Of Wisdom...

Bret Michaels' words of wisdom to me... "It is better to have lost at love, than never to of loved at all."

My words of wisdom to Bret... "It is better to have lost your hair, than never to have had hair at all."

Getting somewhere...

2 Posts in one day? I know, I can barely post once a week and now there are 2 in one day.

So last night I had the first practice for this new band that I am in. This is by far the most productive band I have EVER been in. Let me explain... I happen to enjoy punk music a lot and these are the bands that i tend to be in. Now the thing with punk bands is that everyone talks about starting one, that "talk" is as far as they ever go. Sometimes they do eventually get together, it just takes months or years. This band started laying the groundwork about a month ago. So in the span of a month we talked about starting AND had a first practice. I officially declare us the most productive punk band ever! I know Black Flag traveled the country and was on tour constantly for like 6 years. I also know that The Buzzcocks put out their first EP all by themselves. I still don't think any of those bands had anything on us.

Knowing My Enemy...

So as I get older I seem to put on more and more weight. As a dude, it all seems to gravitate towards my mid section. This has caused me to have a new enemy. You may think that this new enemy would cookies, or candy, or something equally as good. You, good reader, would be 100% completely wrong. I should probably avoid these things at all cost, but I am actually referring to....(duh, duh, duhhhhhhhh) SOCKS! Yes, socks are my new enemy. Having a little more girth around my mid-section has made it more of a challenge to put socks on. When I was younger (aka skinnier) it was never a problem to get a pair of socks on. now I find myself coming up with new and creative ways to get those little bastards wrapped around my feet. I find myself lying in weird position on the floor, reaching behind my back, jumping off the bed while my wife holds them out, whatever it takes. I am pretty close to giving up completely on wearing socks, what will it matter, I haven't seen them in years anywho.

So socks... I think that it is time that our relationship comes to an end. As much as I would like to say it is you, I think this one is totally me.

New Addictions...

Lesley Arfin Rocking A Sweet Fuckin' Germs Tattoo

So yesterday I was talking about this depression/anxiety type thing that I am currently going through. So yeah... it all started because I quit smoking. I thought  I was quitting to make myself healthier, yet it seems that everything has actually gotten worse. If anyone has any tips or advice on getting over smoking, please, let me know.

I guess this leads into that I just finished reading Dear Diary by Lesley Arfin. I thought this book was great and I really enjoyed the way it was set up. I am not much of a reader, but I burned through this book in about 3 days. Once it got going I found it really hard to put down. So in case you don't know, it is basically the diary entries of a girl starting at grade school and making her way to college. It starts out with her being picked on by classmates and ends with her entering rehab for heroin addiction. Quite a twist of events.

So reading this book has also led to me having a new addiction, that new addiction is Lesley Arfin! I don't know why, maybe it has something to do with the Germs tattoo. I will try and pot a link to her blog later. It seems to be about fashion and partying.

Songs To Slit Your Wrists To...

It has been a long time since I updated. There has been a lot going on since the last update, so maybe I will do a bunch of updates to catch up. Or maybe not. We will see...

So apparently I am going through a pretty bad depression or something with anxiety. My wife is freaking out about this. She suffers from both and doesn't like that now I am struggling. It has been a really tough past few months, but I will continue to soldier through I guess. I had a breakdown on Tuesday night followed by another semi-breakdown yesterday at work. It is tough to be at work when you really don't want to be anywhere at all.

In light of all of this, I find myself listening to Jawbreaker. I know, I know... probably the not the best music to listen to while feeling down. I am surprised at home much their final album Dear You has grown on me over the years. I remember when it came out (Holy shit, it has been 16 years since that album came out!) and in my high school teen angst stage, I tossed the album aside with disgust. At the time it was the biggest piece of shit I had heard. Hear I sit 16 years later though and have finally come to terms with the fact that it is actually a pretty good record. I will gladly take any other record of theirs over this one, but for what it is, it isn't that bad. I do miss the gravely voice of the earlier albums and I don't understand why they re-did Boxcar. What do I know though.